The Cost Leadership: Giving Up People-Pleasing

I’ll be honest with you.  I am a recovering people-pleaser. It is an addiction that grabbed a hold of me many years ago. No matter how hard I try, shaking loose of it is hard. 

I think many leaders struggle with this as well.

Being a leader presupposes others are following. And if we are going to have others follow us, we have to be likable. I mean, think about it. We don’t follow people and allow them to influence us if we don’t like them.

So, where is the balance?

It is possible to be likable without always focusing on being “liked.” As leaders, we are called upon to have difficult, crucial conversations. When we take on the mantle of influencing others, we accept this responsibility. Those conversations are not always going to make others happy.

Or what about controversial, difficult decisions? Those, too, don’t always make others beam with joy.

Relationally intelligent leaders who are self-aware know the importance of being likable. They are intentional about developing organizational cultures where relational interactions are attractive to others. However, they also know how to not get distracted on the proverbial hamster wheel of trying to be liked by everyone.

As leaders, we are never going to be able to please everyone in our organizations. Part of the cost of leadership is learning to be okay with not making everyone happy all of the time. 

Trust me. This is an addiction all leaders must work through.  I sure do!