The deal with respect
Respect is a word that gets thrown around a lot. It is a word that I believe tends to lose its importance with the sheer volume of its misuse. Many times we confuse the reality of the concept with simply doing what our boss says, or obeying our parents.
The truth is that personal leadership and establishing trust are major parts of creating a culture of respect. As John Maxwell states in his book The 21 Most Powerful Minutes in a Leader’s Day, “Respect is a matter of leadership-not position, title, or gender.”
Respect, like trust, must be established on several different levels:
Horizontal Respect addresses that which occurs between team members in an organization. This is both earned and given.
Vertical Respect refers to the established structural leadership ladder within an organization as you move up and down the chain of command, be it by position, age, or experience.
“Point of Origin” Respect is an internal evaluation. You have no hope of showing or gaining the respect of others until you first learn to respect yourself.
Have you made it a priority to both give and gain respect on all three levels?
More importantly, do you respect yourself?
These are tough questions. Let me suggest the following as a basis of personal evaluation and reflection:
Respect yourself and your fellow team members
If you really want to influence others, you must start by learning to respect yourself. As Tim Lautzenheiser says, “You can’t give away what you don’t have, and you are only worth what you can give away.” Characteristics that we want to use to describe our teams such confidence, devotion, ambition, and compassion all have at their starting point an inner sense of self respect.
Exceed expectations
After first meeting the expectation of self respect, the process begins to move outward. Horizontal and vertical respect begins to take shape when we start looking to meet and exceed the expectations of others. It is amazing what going the extra mile will do for the influence you have on others!
Stick to what you know is right
Demonstrate conviction to those on your team. Devotion and commitment are vital aspects of gaining and showing respect to others. As we have discussed before, integrity matters! Become a person that can be counted on to consistently do the right thing.
Participate in big picture thinking
Learn to exhibit maturity and security by passing the credit for success to other members of the team. Great leaders learn to think WE before ME. After all it was John Maxwell that stated, “When you see the big picture correctly, you serve the team more quickly.” Reality check-it is not about you, it is about the TEAM!
Experience precedes the communication and definition of success to others
Learn to be a goal oriented person. You cannot influence others to success without first experiencing some of your own. As we gain successful personal experiences, we develop the ability to communicate more effectively with others on our team. Slow down and take time to define and communicate what success looks like to others on your team through the lens of your own experiences.
Contribute to the “fund” of others
Relationships operate on what I call the bank philosophy. We can’t begin making withdrawals of expectations without first making deposits of appreciation of effort and attitude. Establish yourself as someone that regularly looks beyond themselves and learns to put others on the team first.
Think ahead
Strong individuals understand that respect is an earned commodity. Be proactive about the importance of developing the respect of others through the consistency of your own actions and attitudes.
Vertical and horizontal respect starts with a point of origin - YOURSELF! In life, we really only have control over two things: our effort and our attitude. Helping others that we influence learn to respect themselves and each other begins with our own personal commitment to respect as a core value. And that is a commitment you will never regret!