Defining FEAR

Last week we discussed the reality that fish don’t know they’re wet.  And like those fish, we too are not always aware of how the world around us impacts our attitudes and efforts.  If we are not careful, many times, fear of the unknown….fear of loneliness…and fear of failure can impact the way we see and interact with the world around us.  

But thank goodness we are not fish!

There remains a great deal of trepidation over the last several years.  In my book Let’s Take It From The Top!, I discussed the importance of leadership and the impact all of us can have through the influence we develop within our teams.  A leader is someone who goes first, doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of how they feel about it.

But leading can feel lonely at times.  It can be scary to go first, especially when we feel ill-equipped.  

According to Mirriam-Webster, fear is, “an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.”  It is natural to feel fear.  The knowledge of what is occurring in the present can create a sense of uneasiness that, as we look forward into an unknown future, can paralyze us, causing us to stop dead in our tracks.    

As leaders, the paralysis we experience can dramatically impact not only our own trajectory and experience, but also that of our teams.  Through the lens of influence, all of us are leaders within the spheres in which we live.  And when surprises jump out at us, it can cause us to be anxious to the point of paralysis.

That is unless we have tools to help us deal with the fear. 

There is a story of two adventurers that were on a jungle safari adventure when, suddenly, a very intimidating lion jumped out of the trees.  Shocked, the first explorer quietly motioned to his companion to come closer.  

He gently whispered, “I read about this exact scenario in a book.  All we need to do is stand perfectly still and make direct eye contact with the beast.  This will cause him to turn and run away.”

“Okay,” his friend retorted, “but while YOU have read the book, and I now know about the book, has anyone bothered to let the lion have a look?!?”

What lion has jumped out and is staring you down today?

The American poet Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, “Courage is about doing what you’re afraid to do.  There can be no courage unless you’re scared.  Have the courage to act instead of react.”  

Action is about doing work with a purpose.  Reaction is an action or statement made in response to something that has happened.   Reaction is a response while action is an initiation.  It takes courage to initiate during the uneasiness of the present or the paralysis of an unknown future.  

Courage is about choosing to act amid the feeling of fear.  For a moment, think about those people you would call “courageous.”  Those we picture in our mind that exhibit bravery in challenging circumstances are simply ordinary people that choose to act courageously when the chips are down.  They act with persistent purpose.  Why?  Because they can see that their purpose is greater than the obstacle they currently have in front of them.  That purpose keeps them from becoming paralyzed.  

“An abnormal and persistent fear of loneliness.” is known as autophobia.   Many have felt that fear of loneliness throughout the COVID pandemic.  Over the last several years, autophobia has become a new reality for leaders in every imaginable scenario.  Sometimes, isolation, or the mere perception of isolation, can cause us to be anxious.  When the lion of loneliness jumps out at us we struggle to find the courage to stand still, look at it square in the eye, call it what it is and do something about it.  

Other times, the proverbial “lion” can be the fear of failure.  We get so concerned about getting everything “right” and impressing others that the fear of making a mistake can cause us to lock up.  Realistically, if we are waiting for things to be perfect before taking any kind of action, we are going to be disappointed for a very long time!  However, many leaders still struggle with a perception of reality that includes an irrational fear of failure in light of their perfectionistic tendencies.  

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of being alone

Fear of failure.

If we are going to go first, doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of how we feel about it, we have to learn to live and lead through the fog of fear. 

See you next week!